Sunday, May 3, 2009
My greatest fear is not of heights, nor of spiders, snakes or creepy crawlies or whatever. My fear is fairly unknown: the fear of being forgotten, the fear of being ignored and/or the fear of nobody caring about me. Athazagoraphobia. That's the correct term for it. You have no idea how much of a heaven sent it is knowing the term athazagoraphobia. For the past two years, i've lived with a sad conclusion that i'm depressed for feeling this way. Haha.. And now that i know i'm not mentally incorrect, i feel like i can finally breathe easy. Am not exaggerating. My fear is something that i have lived with for two years. And it has grown to an intensifying degree since the last few months of 2008. Especially in the eyes of the ones i'm close with for 5 years. I'm scared, terrified even, of the thought that i'm being replaced. A feeling which i can't seem to ignore lately.
If i were to be gone for good on planet earth, i very often wonder if anyone would ever miss me. If anyone would notice my absence. Because i know that i'm not exactly the most funniest, or the most interesting, or the smartest person you've ever met. I'm very much so like the average jane. And who would miss an average jane? Almost noone. I go through with it everyday in school. Or should i say, especially in school. No one waits for me if i go out of class or lab last. I'd be the last and lone soul in a line of buzzing chatter when going to another class. Everyday. Unless i make the effort to leave before everyone else does to avoid being ignored. It hurts. Woah, understatement of the year! I don't know.. Maybe it's my fault. I don't exactly have the most loudest voice or the most shiniest personality in a room full of loud voices and sunshine personalities. Maybe i should learn to be both. Or maybe i'm just paranoid. Sighs.
Well, whatever it is. I'm embracing my athazagoraphobia. If i can have a tattoo, it'd say athazagoraphobic. And I'd place it on my wrist..
To overcome a fear, one most embrace and admit it, y/y? :)
lol
if you're wondering,
it's Afiqah..
as you were.
If i were to be gone for good on planet earth, i very often wonder if anyone would ever miss me. If anyone would notice my absence. Because i know that i'm not exactly the most funniest, or the most interesting, or the smartest person you've ever met. I'm very much so like the average jane. And who would miss an average jane? Almost noone. I go through with it everyday in school. Or should i say, especially in school. No one waits for me if i go out of class or lab last. I'd be the last and lone soul in a line of buzzing chatter when going to another class. Everyday. Unless i make the effort to leave before everyone else does to avoid being ignored. It hurts. Woah, understatement of the year! I don't know.. Maybe it's my fault. I don't exactly have the most loudest voice or the most shiniest personality in a room full of loud voices and sunshine personalities. Maybe i should learn to be both. Or maybe i'm just paranoid. Sighs.
Well, whatever it is. I'm embracing my athazagoraphobia. If i can have a tattoo, it'd say athazagoraphobic. And I'd place it on my wrist..
To overcome a fear, one most embrace and admit it, y/y? :)
lol
if you're wondering,
it's Afiqah..
as you were.
what we could have been, 6:54 AM.