Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Raihan's guide to surviving a night /afternoon/day ALONE at home :D
1.Establish a nest inside the big nest. Find a room that preferably has everything (food,tv,internet access, laptop, airconditioning etc) so that you wont have to go anywhere, even if it's only the room next door, to get something you need. In my case, it'll be the family den. I've got a whole season of Big Bang Theory and the laptop and that's all i really need to survive.
2. In the unfortunate event that the aforementioned Big Bang Theory box set happens to be EMPTY, its contents probably in your sister's room UPSTAIRS, resort to watching dodgy, predictable Spanish soap operas on RTB. yes, this is happpening. why rtb you might ask?because I forgot to switch on the Astro thingy UPSTAIRS, and flashes of scenes from various horror movies playing in my paranoid mind are really convincing me to stay put in my nest.
3. Even though the clock only says 3 in the afternoon, and it's still bright daylight outside, pull the curtains close and switch on all available light sources in the nest. I've switched on the huge hanging chandelier, the wall sconces and the tiny bulbs on the ceiling thingy. The nest is so bright, you'd need shades to survive. It doesn't stop there, I also have within reaching distance, TWO massive torchlights, to keep me alive and aware of psychos lurking in the dark, in the event of a blackout.
4.Whatever song you have playing on your iTunes, (This Providence, in my case) keep it playing at maximum volume, to drown out any other noise. Including the aforementioned Spanish soap opera. Totally boring, btw. Although the guy's kinda hot. Then again, they're always hot. :p I used to love soap operas, when they were original and full of drama. No, just the drama bit. They're never really original. They almost always have an illegitimate child hiding in the story plot somewhere. Or someone who came back from the dead and got facial surgery to hide their true identity. And a really bitchy Julie Cooper type.
5. If you have a weak bladder and need to nip to the loo every five seconds, choose a nest that has an adjoining bathroom. Otherwise, enjoy sitting with your legs crossed for the rest of the night. Damnit, I think I have a leg cramp now, why'd I have to drink so much?!
6. Have a radio somewhere in the house with the Islamic channel on, and keep it on all day. You are not, under any circumstances, to switch it off or lower the volume. Even when the neighbour next door starts staring. Get back to your gardening, Mrs Nosy Next Door!
7.Ooooooh! The Spanish soap opera has an illegitimate child! Told you. Oh damnit, why did I even watch this thing! It's going to be the fifth-grade Rosalinda phase all over again.
8.Do not open the door or windows under any circumstances. Even if you hear something and your curiosity is killing you, STAY PUT. Haven't you learned anything from the numerous babysitter-alone-at-home movies? Psycho killer will do anything to enter the house.
9. I know there aren't any psycho killers in the tiny suburban village I live in, people yes, killers not yet. Anything can happen. There was this one time, this babysitter working at this isolated house got weird phone calls from a psychotic stalker/killer. For real. Oh wait, that was When A Stranger Calls, but still, same diff.
Call me paranoid, call me crazy, I'm just one really bored girl stuck at home. Bear with me, why don't you. See, this is what happens when you don't let kids get their drivers' license at 16. Yes, you people it's time to change the law. :p The only places within walking distance are houses, more houses and the kadai you-know-what, waaaaay at the other end of the road. Eventually, they are reduced to putting up crazy blog posts, imagining psychotic killers outside the door and guessing the ending to Spanish soap operas.
I need to pee.
R
1.Establish a nest inside the big nest. Find a room that preferably has everything (food,tv,internet access, laptop, airconditioning etc) so that you wont have to go anywhere, even if it's only the room next door, to get something you need. In my case, it'll be the family den. I've got a whole season of Big Bang Theory and the laptop and that's all i really need to survive.
2. In the unfortunate event that the aforementioned Big Bang Theory box set happens to be EMPTY, its contents probably in your sister's room UPSTAIRS, resort to watching dodgy, predictable Spanish soap operas on RTB. yes, this is happpening. why rtb you might ask?because I forgot to switch on the Astro thingy UPSTAIRS, and flashes of scenes from various horror movies playing in my paranoid mind are really convincing me to stay put in my nest.
3. Even though the clock only says 3 in the afternoon, and it's still bright daylight outside, pull the curtains close and switch on all available light sources in the nest. I've switched on the huge hanging chandelier, the wall sconces and the tiny bulbs on the ceiling thingy. The nest is so bright, you'd need shades to survive. It doesn't stop there, I also have within reaching distance, TWO massive torchlights, to keep me alive and aware of psychos lurking in the dark, in the event of a blackout.
4.Whatever song you have playing on your iTunes, (This Providence, in my case) keep it playing at maximum volume, to drown out any other noise. Including the aforementioned Spanish soap opera. Totally boring, btw. Although the guy's kinda hot. Then again, they're always hot. :p I used to love soap operas, when they were original and full of drama. No, just the drama bit. They're never really original. They almost always have an illegitimate child hiding in the story plot somewhere. Or someone who came back from the dead and got facial surgery to hide their true identity. And a really bitchy Julie Cooper type.
5. If you have a weak bladder and need to nip to the loo every five seconds, choose a nest that has an adjoining bathroom. Otherwise, enjoy sitting with your legs crossed for the rest of the night. Damnit, I think I have a leg cramp now, why'd I have to drink so much?!
6. Have a radio somewhere in the house with the Islamic channel on, and keep it on all day. You are not, under any circumstances, to switch it off or lower the volume. Even when the neighbour next door starts staring. Get back to your gardening, Mrs Nosy Next Door!
7.Ooooooh! The Spanish soap opera has an illegitimate child! Told you. Oh damnit, why did I even watch this thing! It's going to be the fifth-grade Rosalinda phase all over again.
8.Do not open the door or windows under any circumstances. Even if you hear something and your curiosity is killing you, STAY PUT. Haven't you learned anything from the numerous babysitter-alone-at-home movies? Psycho killer will do anything to enter the house.
9. I know there aren't any psycho killers in the tiny suburban village I live in, people yes, killers not yet. Anything can happen. There was this one time, this babysitter working at this isolated house got weird phone calls from a psychotic stalker/killer. For real. Oh wait, that was When A Stranger Calls, but still, same diff.
Call me paranoid, call me crazy, I'm just one really bored girl stuck at home. Bear with me, why don't you. See, this is what happens when you don't let kids get their drivers' license at 16. Yes, you people it's time to change the law. :p The only places within walking distance are houses, more houses and the kadai you-know-what, waaaaay at the other end of the road. Eventually, they are reduced to putting up crazy blog posts, imagining psychotic killers outside the door and guessing the ending to Spanish soap operas.
I need to pee.
R
what we could have been, 2:34 AM.