Sunday, September 27, 2009
The little things...
they are what matter now. I find myself getting excited for the tiniest thing. Weekend in London, doing well in school, badminton with the fellow Bruneians, Saturday afternoons.
I can't say that I'm loving it here. I can't say that I don't wish I was back home. But what is the point, really? I'd only be wasting energy, energy that I can otherwise use to be productive and achieve something. So instead of wrapping myself in a cocoon of misery, I try. Try to smile, try to breathe, all the while holding on obstinately to my pillars of comfort and happiness. Then it gets easier.
I also find myself doing things that would do me good now, thinking thoroughly about the long term and my future (though not as far as picking out which universities - even I'm not that eager). I am so fickle and cautious, constantly weighing my options and weighing me. I've so far switched my fourth subject two times. I'm sure I have exasperated my teachers and housemistress to no end. But I just can't and won't keep doing a subject that reduces me to a vegetable in class; my brain doesn't function because I just have no idea what the teachers are saying. I am past that phase of my life where I can just regurgitate information without having to really think (MS students, I'm talking about you hhehehe) It's high time I actually understood because being here, being the only Malay girl in my year, being the only Malay in my classes, makes me realise that I have really got to stop depending so much on other people. There are, of course, the occasions where you just can't do without company. But other than that, must. learn. to. be. strong.
The upside of being in Shrewsbury is the activities. It is a mecca for those who crave for the balance between school and recreation. Shrewsbury does try to cater to our every need (exhibit A: they have not rejected my requests to switch from Classical Civilisation to Biology and finally, to Chemistry) and they supplement that by offering a myriad of activities. I am currently doing Community Service (where I take care of cute English kids with blue and green eyes!) and American Culture. On top of that, I do badminton and fives. And I will soon do rowing and swimming. With the rush of activities, I can't really lay idle and dwell on my misfortune. I suppose I have to make the most of everything.
So, here's to me, trying to be positive.
Siapa lagi?
they are what matter now. I find myself getting excited for the tiniest thing. Weekend in London, doing well in school, badminton with the fellow Bruneians, Saturday afternoons.
I can't say that I'm loving it here. I can't say that I don't wish I was back home. But what is the point, really? I'd only be wasting energy, energy that I can otherwise use to be productive and achieve something. So instead of wrapping myself in a cocoon of misery, I try. Try to smile, try to breathe, all the while holding on obstinately to my pillars of comfort and happiness. Then it gets easier.
I also find myself doing things that would do me good now, thinking thoroughly about the long term and my future (though not as far as picking out which universities - even I'm not that eager). I am so fickle and cautious, constantly weighing my options and weighing me. I've so far switched my fourth subject two times. I'm sure I have exasperated my teachers and housemistress to no end. But I just can't and won't keep doing a subject that reduces me to a vegetable in class; my brain doesn't function because I just have no idea what the teachers are saying. I am past that phase of my life where I can just regurgitate information without having to really think (MS students, I'm talking about you hhehehe) It's high time I actually understood because being here, being the only Malay girl in my year, being the only Malay in my classes, makes me realise that I have really got to stop depending so much on other people. There are, of course, the occasions where you just can't do without company. But other than that, must. learn. to. be. strong.
The upside of being in Shrewsbury is the activities. It is a mecca for those who crave for the balance between school and recreation. Shrewsbury does try to cater to our every need (exhibit A: they have not rejected my requests to switch from Classical Civilisation to Biology and finally, to Chemistry) and they supplement that by offering a myriad of activities. I am currently doing Community Service (where I take care of cute English kids with blue and green eyes!) and American Culture. On top of that, I do badminton and fives. And I will soon do rowing and swimming. With the rush of activities, I can't really lay idle and dwell on my misfortune. I suppose I have to make the most of everything.
So, here's to me, trying to be positive.
Siapa lagi?
what we could have been, 11:54 AM.