Sunday, September 27, 2009
The little things...
they are what matter now. I find myself getting excited for the tiniest thing. Weekend in London, doing well in school, badminton with the fellow Bruneians, Saturday afternoons.
I can't say that I'm loving it here. I can't say that I don't wish I was back home. But what is the point, really? I'd only be wasting energy, energy that I can otherwise use to be productive and achieve something. So instead of wrapping myself in a cocoon of misery, I try. Try to smile, try to breathe, all the while holding on obstinately to my pillars of comfort and happiness. Then it gets easier.
I also find myself doing things that would do me good now, thinking thoroughly about the long term and my future (though not as far as picking out which universities - even I'm not that eager). I am so fickle and cautious, constantly weighing my options and weighing me. I've so far switched my fourth subject two times. I'm sure I have exasperated my teachers and housemistress to no end. But I just can't and won't keep doing a subject that reduces me to a vegetable in class; my brain doesn't function because I just have no idea what the teachers are saying. I am past that phase of my life where I can just regurgitate information without having to really think (MS students, I'm talking about you hhehehe) It's high time I actually understood because being here, being the only Malay girl in my year, being the only Malay in my classes, makes me realise that I have really got to stop depending so much on other people. There are, of course, the occasions where you just can't do without company. But other than that, must. learn. to. be. strong.
The upside of being in Shrewsbury is the activities. It is a mecca for those who crave for the balance between school and recreation. Shrewsbury does try to cater to our every need (exhibit A: they have not rejected my requests to switch from Classical Civilisation to Biology and finally, to Chemistry) and they supplement that by offering a myriad of activities. I am currently doing Community Service (where I take care of cute English kids with blue and green eyes!) and American Culture. On top of that, I do badminton and fives. And I will soon do rowing and swimming. With the rush of activities, I can't really lay idle and dwell on my misfortune. I suppose I have to make the most of everything.
So, here's to me, trying to be positive.
Siapa lagi?
they are what matter now. I find myself getting excited for the tiniest thing. Weekend in London, doing well in school, badminton with the fellow Bruneians, Saturday afternoons.
I can't say that I'm loving it here. I can't say that I don't wish I was back home. But what is the point, really? I'd only be wasting energy, energy that I can otherwise use to be productive and achieve something. So instead of wrapping myself in a cocoon of misery, I try. Try to smile, try to breathe, all the while holding on obstinately to my pillars of comfort and happiness. Then it gets easier.
I also find myself doing things that would do me good now, thinking thoroughly about the long term and my future (though not as far as picking out which universities - even I'm not that eager). I am so fickle and cautious, constantly weighing my options and weighing me. I've so far switched my fourth subject two times. I'm sure I have exasperated my teachers and housemistress to no end. But I just can't and won't keep doing a subject that reduces me to a vegetable in class; my brain doesn't function because I just have no idea what the teachers are saying. I am past that phase of my life where I can just regurgitate information without having to really think (MS students, I'm talking about you hhehehe) It's high time I actually understood because being here, being the only Malay girl in my year, being the only Malay in my classes, makes me realise that I have really got to stop depending so much on other people. There are, of course, the occasions where you just can't do without company. But other than that, must. learn. to. be. strong.
The upside of being in Shrewsbury is the activities. It is a mecca for those who crave for the balance between school and recreation. Shrewsbury does try to cater to our every need (exhibit A: they have not rejected my requests to switch from Classical Civilisation to Biology and finally, to Chemistry) and they supplement that by offering a myriad of activities. I am currently doing Community Service (where I take care of cute English kids with blue and green eyes!) and American Culture. On top of that, I do badminton and fives. And I will soon do rowing and swimming. With the rush of activities, I can't really lay idle and dwell on my misfortune. I suppose I have to make the most of everything.
So, here's to me, trying to be positive.
Siapa lagi?
what we could have been, 11:54 AM.
Friday, September 25, 2009
I do this a lot, yes. But take one good look at Ethan Boroian and tell me you can say NO.
Meet Ethan Boroian. This 19 year old piece-of-paradise is an AMERICAN on X-Factor and he's got it all. Looks, looks, looks....and oh yeah that singing thing. Plus, he sang Kings of Leon's Use Somebody! Quoting someone, ''He's the Susan Boyle your daughter wants to sleep with'' :D
In other news,
This shirt's pretty cool. Guess where the quote came from.
Kanye West's extremely famous interruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. It goes ''.....yo taylor, .....i'ma let you finish..'' something or other. Then ada the Kanye shades bawahnya. Cool. Or rather, Coo'.p.s.
Selamat Hari Raya!
ryhan
what we could have been, 10:30 PM.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Haha okay. My heading (or title)is lame. Oh well :P
First day of Hari Raya starts today. Much of the usual business at my place; wake up early, see the food downstairs, get scolded by Ma cause i haven't showered, take half an hour to shower, triple the time to get ready (i'm purple this year), eat, family photoshoot and finally off we go to Belait. Have i ever mention that my family take two cars to go Raya? Yup! It's true. I wonder if it's the same for you. We're all too big to squish into our Prado car. It's not like we can't all fit into it, it's just that when you have 4 incredibly vain -and i stress on VAIN- teenagers in a family, the last thing you want to do is touch my hair (older brother), mess up my tudong (yours truly), step on my heels (younger sister) and crease my sinjang (younger brother). We all can't stay still for an hour ride to Lumut. Who can? HAHA
Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to fellow blogmates and (invisible) readers. As the saying as old as time goes, forgive me for any wrong doings. Unintentional hurtful jokes, sarcastic remarks, or when i'm a bitch, do forgive me. It's a time to repent! :)
Enjoy your Raya! I hope we all have enough make up or prayers so that we can look younger than our actual age so duit raya comes our way :P
Lastly, CONVOY CONVOY CONVOY? :)
On the way to Grandmum's,
Afiqah
First day of Hari Raya starts today. Much of the usual business at my place; wake up early, see the food downstairs, get scolded by Ma cause i haven't showered, take half an hour to shower, triple the time to get ready (i'm purple this year), eat, family photoshoot and finally off we go to Belait. Have i ever mention that my family take two cars to go Raya? Yup! It's true. I wonder if it's the same for you. We're all too big to squish into our Prado car. It's not like we can't all fit into it, it's just that when you have 4 incredibly vain -and i stress on VAIN- teenagers in a family, the last thing you want to do is touch my hair (older brother), mess up my tudong (yours truly), step on my heels (younger sister) and crease my sinjang (younger brother). We all can't stay still for an hour ride to Lumut. Who can? HAHA
Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to fellow blogmates and (invisible) readers. As the saying as old as time goes, forgive me for any wrong doings. Unintentional hurtful jokes, sarcastic remarks, or when i'm a bitch, do forgive me. It's a time to repent! :)
Enjoy your Raya! I hope we all have enough make up or prayers so that we can look younger than our actual age so duit raya comes our way :P
Lastly, CONVOY CONVOY CONVOY? :)
On the way to Grandmum's,
Afiqah
what we could have been, 9:00 PM.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
I woke up at 7
7 wah, 7! No sane person would wake up before lunchtime on weekends! Heard takbir from the TV in Mom's room and realization hit me. Another Ramadhan, another disapponting 'anak-bulan-sighting session' and another 'orang lain sudah beraya, Brunei balum'. Oh well, it's not like I'm in the mood for Raya anyway.
Is anyone else feeling the same way? Raya this year seems to have been drained off its usual pomp and pageantry. Well, yes, you can feel the crackling excitement in the air, both literally and figuratively, but it just seems to have a sour note to it. Or maybe it's just me, being worried because AS is JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!!!
Before, I can say:
Raya means tons of colourful baju kurung
Raya means new shoes to match the baju kurung
Raya means a whole array of Raya delicacies. Tapak kuda, anyone?
Raya means endless rows of houses draped with strings of colourful lampu cucul. Some houses even go the extra mile by lining their driveway with those lampu pelita things. I don't know what they're called.
Raya means MONEY!!! Though i might not get them anymore, being in the young adult category. :(
Raya means visiting your relatives and asking for forgiveness
This year though, it's a battle between having a great Raya or sitting it out to make more time for extra nerdy activities i.e. studying. Made a vow to study during the holidays but so far, i've only managed to flip through a couple of pages for Physics and cracked some highly mind-boggling Maths questions. Don't even ask me how far along I am in Elit. It's a disaster! I'd be surprised if I can distinguish between the two Rossettis.
Oh and, you guys, I talked to Kilah tadi!!! :D My sister called all the way from their cramped, smelly BHall room and I managed to talk to Kilah for about five minutes. Zura was there too. :) They were pigging out on the limited number of kuih Raya they had. Kesian eh. Wish I could send some your way, Kilah.
So anyway, Kilah wishes everyone Selamat Hari Raya!
Ryhan
7 wah, 7! No sane person would wake up before lunchtime on weekends! Heard takbir from the TV in Mom's room and realization hit me. Another Ramadhan, another disapponting 'anak-bulan-sighting session' and another 'orang lain sudah beraya, Brunei balum'. Oh well, it's not like I'm in the mood for Raya anyway.
Is anyone else feeling the same way? Raya this year seems to have been drained off its usual pomp and pageantry. Well, yes, you can feel the crackling excitement in the air, both literally and figuratively, but it just seems to have a sour note to it. Or maybe it's just me, being worried because AS is JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!!!
Before, I can say:
Raya means tons of colourful baju kurung
Raya means new shoes to match the baju kurung
Raya means a whole array of Raya delicacies. Tapak kuda, anyone?
Raya means endless rows of houses draped with strings of colourful lampu cucul. Some houses even go the extra mile by lining their driveway with those lampu pelita things. I don't know what they're called.
Raya means MONEY!!! Though i might not get them anymore, being in the young adult category. :(
Raya means visiting your relatives and asking for forgiveness
This year though, it's a battle between having a great Raya or sitting it out to make more time for extra nerdy activities i.e. studying. Made a vow to study during the holidays but so far, i've only managed to flip through a couple of pages for Physics and cracked some highly mind-boggling Maths questions. Don't even ask me how far along I am in Elit. It's a disaster! I'd be surprised if I can distinguish between the two Rossettis.
Oh and, you guys, I talked to Kilah tadi!!! :D My sister called all the way from their cramped, smelly BHall room and I managed to talk to Kilah for about five minutes. Zura was there too. :) They were pigging out on the limited number of kuih Raya they had. Kesian eh. Wish I could send some your way, Kilah.
So anyway, Kilah wishes everyone Selamat Hari Raya!
Ryhan
what we could have been, 5:38 PM.
Friday, September 11, 2009
THEN AGAIN,
ryhan
what we could have been, 6:15 PM.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
As the early morning light filters through my window, I find no happiness in the reprieve from the darkness. Instead I shrink away from it, like a vampire sequestered in the black abyss. Because come morning, in the stillness and tranquility of dawn, I am forced to think. And what a dangerous thing it is to think.
The silence of the morning strikes a chord within me, bringing to my attention the fact that not only am I alone but also that I am incredibly lonely. It is truly ironic, that, being lonely when I am flanked on all sides by a gaggle of girls, each drowning (though they do not know this) in their own insipid little worlds, worrying about clothes and makeup and what the boys will think. And yet, I envy them. They are not pining away in their bedroom, crying for a song that they used to listen frequently in their sister’s bedroom. They are not suppressing their true selves. They are not the ones who are virtual hermits. No, they’re not.
My friends are probably wondering if I am happy and if UK is everything it is cracked up to be.
What do you think?
I think the Pussycat Dolls were right on the money when they sang "be careful of what you wish for cause you just might get it."
what we could have been, 12:39 PM.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
What's a girl to do? What's a girl to do when she's bored out of her mind without a significant other to keep her company? Hmmm...
Sleep? But my dreams will never come true.
Read a book? Maybe. Suggest a book, please?
Watch TV? Oh, but they can only do so far.
Start a new TV series? Okay. But no resources to do so.
Indulge in a fandom? My fandom is on a hiatus.
Music? It's not like they come up with new stuff every second. Or maybe they do. And i can't sing.
Listen to the radio? Oh, but they're so lame!
Surf the net? I'm caught up with all the latest political mo fo.
Notes on Facebook? Done!
Quizzes on Facebook? I've had enough of some random application telling me i'm gonna marry Channing Tatum or some guy whose name starts with J. Haha
Photoshop? My pictures are all Photoshop perfect.
Blog hopping? I read them all already.
Annoy my siblings? I feel like being a good big sister today.
Start a hobby? Where can i find stamps nowadays?
Play Poker online? Nah. Cards just don't do it for me.
FIFA '09? But Xabi Alonso is no longer a 14 Red, but a 22 Madrista.
Go out? No one to go out with. Read above, no significant other!
Shop? Ceh, no money.
Dance? Too tired. 'Tis is the fasting month.
Help mom in the kitchen? Can't cook!
Write? It's what i usually do when i'm bored. BUT no muse. Inspire me!
Kickette? Too sarcastic for my current mood.
Do my homework? Maybe. Will be last resort, i promise.
Clean my room? Nah. I'll do it tomorrow.
Find a significant other? HAHA I'm not that bored!? And plus, Channing Tatum and some guy whose name starts with J will kill me.
What else? What else?
Get a life? Oh yes, that's it!! :P
Le Sigh! On the plus side, i'm doing my hair soon :D
and Hari Raya is borderline :)
Convoy again, anyone?
Read and don't misunderstand.
Out to paint the world Red,
A girl whose initials is DSAPS.
Sleep? But my dreams will never come true.
Read a book? Maybe. Suggest a book, please?
Watch TV? Oh, but they can only do so far.
Start a new TV series? Okay. But no resources to do so.
Indulge in a fandom? My fandom is on a hiatus.
Music? It's not like they come up with new stuff every second. Or maybe they do. And i can't sing.
Listen to the radio? Oh, but they're so lame!
Surf the net? I'm caught up with all the latest political mo fo.
Notes on Facebook? Done!
Quizzes on Facebook? I've had enough of some random application telling me i'm gonna marry Channing Tatum or some guy whose name starts with J. Haha
Photoshop? My pictures are all Photoshop perfect.
Blog hopping? I read them all already.
Annoy my siblings? I feel like being a good big sister today.
Start a hobby? Where can i find stamps nowadays?
Play Poker online? Nah. Cards just don't do it for me.
FIFA '09? But Xabi Alonso is no longer a 14 Red, but a 22 Madrista.
Go out? No one to go out with. Read above, no significant other!
Shop? Ceh, no money.
Dance? Too tired. 'Tis is the fasting month.
Help mom in the kitchen? Can't cook!
Write? It's what i usually do when i'm bored. BUT no muse. Inspire me!
Kickette? Too sarcastic for my current mood.
Do my homework? Maybe. Will be last resort, i promise.
Clean my room? Nah. I'll do it tomorrow.
Find a significant other? HAHA I'm not that bored!? And plus, Channing Tatum and some guy whose name starts with J will kill me.
What else? What else?
Get a life? Oh yes, that's it!! :P
Le Sigh! On the plus side, i'm doing my hair soon :D
and Hari Raya is borderline :)
Convoy again, anyone?
Read and don't misunderstand.
Out to paint the world Red,
A girl whose initials is DSAPS.
what we could have been, 10:51 PM.